


Haven (Let me love you)

by Kitty_Nebula



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Darcy has a potty mouth, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Requited Unrequited Love, Secret Crush, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-04-30 02:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitty_Nebula/pseuds/Kitty_Nebula
Summary: Darcy has a (not so secret) crush on one of her best friends but she is content(ish) to keep it to herself until the party that flips everything on it's head.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this is completely random for me to be posting as I haven’t written anything in so long, but I could not shake this idea. Darcy is an awesome character and genuinely one of my favourites. 
> 
> On the surface of it nothing seems to phase her, and I got to wondering, we all have different faces that we show the world to hide our own personal insecurities and we all have different ways of coping with what life throws at us. That wondering got me here, this is not beta’d any and all mistakes are mine, please be kind and remember we all have our personal demons and just because it’s not immediately obvious what they may or may not be it doesn’t mean they're not real and valid and deserving of understanding.
> 
> Also I may have a thing for insecure Darcy - who knew? 
> 
> Set somewhere before Civil War but taking some stuff from after that and using it for my own purposes

Well this evening sucks Darcy thought to herself. She cast a glance across to the bar and saw Bucky lean in to listen to something the blonde woman next to him said, saw the smile blossom on his face and felt something in her chest splinter and break. She knew she had no right to feel jealous of the blonde, Bucky had never asked her to catch feelings for him; she’d done her best to be a good friend to him when Steve had introduced them, it was just unfortunate for her heart that it hadn’t got the memo that he was not for her.

Downing the rest of her champagne, she stood and quickly made her way towards the exit. She was only here because Steve and Bucky had insisted that she come with them, and they’d promised they’d keep her company. She normally avoided these types of parties if she could, she was only marginally adjacent to the Spandex Crew and felt like she had no real right to be socializing with them outside of the labs. She was the Head Lab Gremlin and the only one aside from Pepper that Tony could tolerate ordering him to eat and sleep. So she’d done as all good little lab gremlins would after much wheedling and cajoling from the Super Twins and had donned her finest and hauled ass to the party. After all she defied anyone to say no to Captain America when he used his aww shucks ma’am face, and don’t even get her started on Bucky’s pleading baby blues.

She’d had their company for all of ten minutes before Steve had been dragged away by Pepper to go and do the circuit of politicians and press that she knew he hated with a passion. She and Bucky had been chatting about a new series of books she thought he might like when he offered to get her a drink. He’d never returned as he had been distracted by the arrival of the blonde currently at his side, she was happy that he was finding social situations easier to deal with but much to her own chagrin she couldn’t stop the sick feeling in her stomach caused by envy, wishing it was her beside him with his full attention rather than sitting alone like a total wallflower. She cast one more glance in Bucky’s direction in the hopes that he’d be heading back over to their table and promptly wished she hadn’t when she saw him gently brush a kiss across the blondes knuckles. Yep it was well past her time to leave and she was pretty sure she had a tub of Phish food in her apartment that she could bury her feelings in.

These types of parties reminded her of just how out of her depth she really was, she was a no one really, a faceless minion who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time when a God had landed slap bang in front of her. OK yes Captain America let her call him Steve and Thor gave the best hugs when he was planet side and Bucky…. She was drawn out of her thoughts by someone clearing their throat.

“Darcy are you alright?” Wanda was looking at her with concern and understanding and Darcy felt the tell-tale burn of impending tears and knew if she spoke she had no hope of maintaining her admittedly fake calm façade so she just nodded. She hadn’t really spoken to her much but she always thought Wanda looked a little sad whenever she had seen her in the common areas of the tower but she’d never felt as though she could approach her and ask if she needed a friend.

Wanda gave her a small smile “I don’t know about you but I could use some fresh air,” opening the door to the ballroom she held it open and let Darcy slip out in front of her. Darcy inhaled deeply as the door closed behind them muffling the sounds of the party.

They were almost at the door to the roof top terrace before Wanda spoke again, “How long?” she asked tentatively, she’d seen the way Darcy looked at Bucky just now so it didn’t take much to guess what Darcy’s feelings were for the former Winter Soldier. Darcy sighed and angrily wiped her hand across her cheek as they headed for the terrace garden, “Too long probably.  I… I never meant for things to go this far.”

Wanda looked at her, “What do you mean? Surely you don’t blame yourself for falling in love? If there is one thing I can be certain of Darcy, it’s this - the heart wants what it wants.” She sounded so wistful that Darcy felt another tear slip down her cheek before she roughly brushed it away. “So which one of the Spandex Club has ruined you for all others?”

Wanda smiled and sighed, linking arms with Darcy as they continued walking toward the terrace garden, “I know he would never look at me as anything more than a team member, but…”

“Cap?” Darcy guessed.

Wanda nodded and ducked her head, a flush spreading across her cheeks at her confession. Darcy stopped walking and turned to face Wanda, “Hey nothing to be embarrassed about, at least Cap’s single. And who wouldn’t fall for Mr Apple Pie? Sadly for me he’s not a former Soviet Assassin.”

Darcy paused as they entered the garden to remove her shoes, wiggling her toes in the cool grass and humming in appreciation, “I’m not sure if I want to curl up in bed and cry, or eat my own body weight in Phish Food, I swore I would never let myself get so hung up on a guy that clearly doesn’t see me as more than a friend.” She kicked at the grass and groaned loudly before looking up to the sky. “God I am _such_ an idiot.”

The sob that tore its way up her throat opened the floodgate of emotions and she fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands. Wanda slipped to her knees beside her and held her while she cried, alternating between rubbing her back and stroking her hair as she murmured words of comfort. Eventually Darcy’s sobs just turned to hiccuping breaths and she looked up at Wanda, “Sorry.” She mumbled and Wanda shook her head, “No need to apologize, do you want to head back inside?”

“Sure, I don’t suppose you’d want to watch a movie? I don’t see me sleeping any time soon, and I could use the company.” Darcy looked hopeful and Wanda agreed without a second thought. “Of course, I have always found watching bad films helps me to forget my feelings, for a short time at least.”

Darcy stood and offered her hand to help Wanda up, “Any particular bad film you can recommend?”

“I admit I have a soft spot for Tremors, it’s completely ridiculous but always makes me feel better” Darcy nodded a small smile on her lips, “Sounds perfect, do you need to stop by your room and change?” Wanda agreed and they headed back across the garden and back toward the ballroom.

They were almost back at the main door, when it opened making them both jump. Darcy’s heart sank when she saw who it was.

“Doll? I was looking all over for you. What are you doing out here? Hi Wanda” he nodded to the other woman but his focus was solely on Darcy.

Darcy tried not to let endearment get under her skin, but when he called her doll like that it made her feel like she was special, like he cared. She felt the burning in her eyes once more and started to panic knowing that she was going to cry again; the last thing she wanted or needed right now was to have to explain to Bucky why she was crying, he’d feel guilty and blame himself and Darcy wasn’t prepared to let him carry any more guilt than he already did. It was her own stupid fault she’d let her feelings for him grow the way they had and he shouldn’t have to deal with her fuck up.

Pasting on a smile that she hoped he didn’t realize was fake, she shrugged, “Too many people and not enough air so Wanda and I came out for a midnight stroll on the terrace and now we’re going back to my apartment to watch a film”. She walked past him not making eye contact and she thought she was home free until she felt the touch of his hand on her arm.

“You sure you’re OK Doll?” his fingers tightened slightly against her arm.

“I’m fine.” She moved so his hand dropped from her arm, her skin felt like it burned where his hand had been and she couldn’t stop her involuntary shiver at the loss of touch. The masochist in her risked a glance up at him and yep bad idea Darcy, bad, bad idea she scolded herself. He looked so concerned that she just wanted to hug him.

“Coulda fooled me” He muttered, but it was loud enough for her to hear, and for some reason it took her from wanting to hide in her room crying into her pillow to pure and utter rage. Her brain (that sounded remarkably like Natasha) coolly reminded her about the blonde he’d been at the bar with, and the fact that he’d deserted her when he was meant to be keeping her company - just like he and Steve had promised, and it was like a slap to the face and her anger came back full throttle.

So later when she was in the safety of her apartment and the red, or should that be green haze of jealous anger had cleared she would blame her brain, and the champagne she had consumed for the words that tumbled out next.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!!” the words exploded out of her and she couldn’t have stopped them if she tried. Bucky looked startled and Wanda let out a murmur of alarm as she watched the train wreck in front of her unfold.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky folded his arms across his chest and stared at her.

“Oh I don’t know, let’s see - how about, how fucking dare you act like you give a shit? How’s that? That suit you better?” Darcy was practically shaking with her anger and glared right back.

Bucky forced himself to relax his stance and she could see him processing her words and he just looked totally confused. “Darce? I don’t understand, why are you being like this? What’s wrong?”

Darcy almost caved at the look of honest confusion he was sporting but her heart hurt, and she was so tired of feeling like she didn’t matter. Wanda stepped up beside her in a silent move of calm support and Darcy was unbelievably grateful.

“What’s wrong? You and Steve asked me to come to this stupid party and you didn’t let up until I gave in and agreed. So I get myself all dolled up thinking, what the hell it could be fun right? Two hot veterans for company, free booze and good conversation, what more could a girl want? And for about ten minutes it was fun, I felt bad for poor Steve getting dragged away but it was OK because I thought at least you and I could keep each other company. _Like you said we would_.”

She saw the minute Bucky realized what she was getting at and she saw the unmistakable flood of guilt in his eyes and she felt herself deflate, all the anger, which she could acknowledge, if only to herself was jealousy, just dissipated and she was suddenly exhausted with it all.

“Doll I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have left you like that.” He sounded as guilty as he looked, his eyes pained as he scanned her face, and it was only when she felt Wanda squeeze her hand that she realized she was crying again,

“No that was really shitty of you, but I got the message loud and clear, so it’s cool, and y’know you didn’t have to lie about going to get me a drink so you could ditch me for the hot blonde, nice job there by the way, top marks on Starks scale of hotness." Darcy paused and chewed her lip for a moment," You could have just told me to get lost you know, I wouldn’t have been offended, I’m well aware I don’t really fit with the general superhero vibe going on around here.”

Bucky’s face paled and he took a step forward reaching for her and Darcy stepped back.

“Message? Darcy… Doll, no it’s not-“

Darcy tried to smile and she could only imagine the sight she must make between the puffy eyes and the fake grin, but you had to fake it to make it right? Right?

“No its fine Barnes, you don’t need to explain anything to me-“ She saw his flinch at the name, he’d always been Bucky to her, and that spoke volumes as to her opinion right now, “I get it and I’m sorry if I overstepped, now if you’ll excuse me I need to get some sleep as I have a busy day in the labs tomorrow.”

She never gave him chance to respond; slipping inside the door and not even waiting to see if Wanda followed. Wanda lingered a moment, nodding to herself before she spoke, “Let her calm down before you try and speak to her.”

Bucky jolted at the sound of her voice as though he had forgotten she was there, “But I need to apologize – explain…”

Wanda nodded in agreement, “Yes you do but you will only make things worse if you try and speak to her tonight. She’s hurting and angry and not really ready to listen to anything you have to say. I may not know Darcy very well but it’s clear that she believes she doesn’t really belong here and the fact you left her thinking you were coming back has just reinforced her opinion that she’s not important enough to bother about.”

Bucky let out a frustrated growl, “Of course she’s important!” he snapped and Wanda merely raised an eyebrow at his outburst. His shoulders slumped, “How do I fix this?”

Wanda considered her words carefully, she was hesitant to reveal too much but she couldn’t believe that Bucky was so completely oblivious as to how Darcy saw herself and her place with the Avengers.

“I don’t know if you can fix it. Have you ever told her she’s important to you? Or did you just assume she knew?”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply and then snapped his mouth shut, closing his eyes in mounting frustration when he realized she was right, he just assumed that Darcy knew she was as important to him as Steve was. Hell she’d been the only other person not to treat him like a ticking time bomb since he’d come out of Cryo.

“Exactly, she’s not a mind reader you could maybe start with that, and if you’re lucky enough –“ Bucky made a panicked noise at that, “-that she speaks to you again,” Wanda continued, “Maybe next time you invite her to a party don’t say you’ll be back in a minute and then drop her for the first woman that bats her eyes at you. Because prior reputation as a ladies man or not that was rude of you and if you do it again I will make you wish you hadn’t”

Bucky simply nodded, and watched Wanda slip inside. He rubbed his hand over his face and let out a deep sigh. He hated to see Darcy so upset and he knew he needed to fix things with her, the thought that she might not let him fix things however, left him with a feeling of dread curling in his stomach. He stood watching the lights spread out over the city below, his thoughts centered around the petite brunette and that’s where Steve found him three hours later.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has some thinking to do and Steve gives out some advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies this second chapter has taken so long to post, real life has seriously kicked my butt the last few weeks but everything seems to be calming down now.
> 
> Thank you SO much to everyone that's followed, left comments and kudos on this, I can't believe how well received this has been, you have made this author very happy :)
> 
> This isn't beta'd so again all mistakes and typos are mine. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics, time to see things from Bucky's side of the fence.

Staring out over the city lights Bucky felt worse than when he’d first come to the tower, he’d made her cry, and he never wanted to see Darcy look at him the way she had tonight. His hands balled into fists and the plates in his arm realigned as he fought the urge to smash his fists against the nearest wall.

She was a safe port in this new reality he found himself in and it terrified him to think she might not want to be his friend after tonight, he ignored the voice in his head that said he wanted more than a friendship with Darcy, that all he wanted was a future that had her in it. He had no right to want that with all the blood in his past, she was too good for that.

Back when he’d first come in, Steve had had to vouch for him and everyone seemed to avoid him being unsure of whether he was going to go full Winter Soldier on them. He’d used it to his advantage; watching the different relationships between the various egos that made up the Avengers as well as their adjacent people, it gave him time to watch the dynamics and look for the weaknesses that could mean Steve not coming back from a mission. It was a habit he still couldn’t shake but it was easier now, he knew he could trust them to have Steve’s back if he wasn’t there to stop the reckless punk from running head first into the nearest fight.

Sighing Bucky scrubbed his face, nothing had been straightforward since he’d come to the Tower, he knew Steve wanted his old friend back but HYDRA had done their best to destroy that person. His brain still turned on him on his bad days and even though Sam had told him it was perfectly normal with the trauma he’d been through it still grated that he had no control. Darcy helped him feel normal, more like his old self than even Steve had managed.  

The first time he’d seen Darcy she’d been corralling Stark into eating before prodding him towards his floor and to bed, all the while she’d been berating the engineer and coercing the A.I (that Steve had told him was called JARVIS) into making sure Stark got eight hours of sleep before he went back to his lab he had to admire her moxy and the fact that Stark actually seemed to pay attention to the diminutive brunette with curves for days.

                                                                                    

_Steve chuckled next to him as they watched Stark glare before stomping towards the elevator and the penthouse._

_"Thanks J!”_

_“You’re welcome Miss Lewis, I will ensure that Sir does not leave the Penthouse for the next eight hours”_

_The brunette bustled over to the Kitchen and poured herself a large cup of coffee from the machine on the counter, she glanced in their direction and Bucky stiffened._

_“Hi Cap how’s it hanging?” She turned to face them a small smile on her lips._

_“Hey Darce,” Steve seemed to be comfortable around the brunette so Bucky took his cue from him and relaxed his stance. “Buck, this is Darcy, she’s the one that got me up to speed when I moved in to the Tower, Darcy this is Bucky.”_

_Darcy shot a smile in his direction her face was open and he detected no fear or deception, “It’s good to meet you, is it ok if I call you Bucky or do you prefer James?”_

_He blinked as her words registered, “Bucky’s fine, only my Ma used to call me James.”_

_Darcy hummed in acknowledgement, “Bucky it is then, are you settling in ok?” he nodded; but said nothing in reply. She didn’t seem bothered by his silence and continued to drink her coffee._

_“So how’re things with you Darce?” Steve asked after the silence had gone on a little too long._

_“Well the Scientist Three are currently all in bed after a three day science binge, though technically Jane and Bruce did the sciencing and Tony just tried to build some weird portal type thing that only made sense to him.” Laughing at the look on Steve’s face she continued, “Shadowing Pepper is going well though I still can’t quite believe she’s giving me the chance to use my degree and observing how she keeps SI running so smoothly; all the while looking like a total Goddess.”_

_Steve leaned his hip against the counter and shook his head at her comment and Bucky knew his old friend well enough to know he was going to launch into one of his speeches and by the look of it Darcy knew it as well._

_“Before you go all Captain Righteous on my ass Rogers-“ Bucky chuffed out a small laugh that got a wink from Darcy and a scowl from Steve._

_Darcy continued, a mocking tone to her voice “I know, I know, she wouldn’t have given me the opportunity if she didn’t think I was capable and it means I can use my degree and maybe one day I will be as awesome as Pepper.”_

_Bucky could tell this was not the first time that they’d had this conversation and knowing Steve it wouldn’t be the last, for some reason he gathered that Darcy didn’t think she was good enough to be working with Pepper, which if how she’d handled Stark was anything to go by was rubbish._

_“You know we’d not last a week without you Darcy, not to mention Pepper would have to handle Tony on her own.”_

_Darcy rolled her eyes, “You’re very sweet Steve and you definitely do a girls ego good but you’d all cope just fine without me.”_

_“Excuse me Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff requires your presence in boardroom six for debrief.”_

_“Thanks JARVIS” Steve straightened and looked at Bucky, “I need to go, you be ok here until I’m done Buck?” Bucky nodded._

_“It’s ok Steve I’ll look after him” Darcy grinned at Bucky._

_Steve left the room, leaving the two facing each other over the counter. Bucky waited for her to make her excuses and leave now that Steve was no longer in the room to ensure her safety but she surprised him by moving back to the coffee machine, “Coffee?”_

_He nodded in response, still not totally comfortable with voicing what he wanted. He moved closer to the counter and watched her make him coffee, she slid the mug towards him, telegraphing her moves as she reached for the creamer and sugar to his left. She poured some of each into his cup and stirred it before letting him pick the mug up. He inhaled the smell of the coffee, it was laced with vanilla and the sweetness of the smell made his mouth water. He catalogued how the heat from the mug was pleasingly warm on the metal plates of his prosthetic. Her giggle startled him out of his contemplation._

_“Drink the coffee Bucky, I promise you won’t regret it.”_

_He looked at her over the rim of the mug as he took a sip, he let out an involuntary hum of satisfaction as the flavour hit his taste buds and the smile that spread over her face made something in his chest feel a warmth he hadn’t in years._

_Home._

_She made him feel like he was home._

 

The door to the garden terrace opened bringing him back to the present.

“There you are Buck, I wondered where you got to everything ok?”

Bucky felt his shoulders hunch, Steve was going to kill him and he knew it was the least he deserved.

“Buck?” he turned as he heard Steve approach.

“M’fine.”

Steve scoffed, “Sure you are.”

Steve moved to stand beside him, staring out over the city. Bucky sighed in defeat; Steve was stubborn and he wouldn’t budge until Bucky had told him what was bothering him, and it was easier just to give in and tell him rather than prolong the agony,

“I fucked up”

He felt Steve looking at him, “What happened?”

Bucky let out a sigh, “After Pepper took you to do the Captain America circuit I went to get Darcy a drink, I was at the bar and I was approached by someone.”

Steve groaned, “Buck, please tell me you didn’t leave Darcy on her own, we promised her one of us would keep her company tonight.”

Bucky started to pace up and down, his agitation escalating as Steve just stared at him waiting him out. “It wasn’t like that, m’not like I was before…. Before Hydra fucked up my head; she was… she knew Becca Stevie, well her Grandmother did.”

“Buck-“

Bucky cut him off, shaking his head as he recalled how his evening had spiraled out of control. 

“No, just listen. She gave me her contact details, told me to call her when I was ready; and then I got our drinks and when I went back to the table Darce was gone. I went looking for her, so I could tell her about Becca. I found her out here with Wanda and she looked like she’d been cryin’ and when I asked her if she was ok she started cryin’ again and sayin’ all this stuff about how she ‘got it and that she knew when she wasn’t wanted’ she wouldn’t look at me Steve.”

Bucky stopped pacing and his breathing was heavy when finally looked at his friend, Steve looked equal parts amused, angry and wistful.

“What’s that face for punk?”

Steve smiled sadly; “I’m pleased you can find out about Becca, I know that’s bothered you since you came here, but honestly why haven’t you told Darcy how you feel?”

Bucky shrugged, “She deserves better than me.”

Huffing Steve walked over and cuffed him on the back of the head,

“Hey! What was that for?”

“You’re an idiot, that’s what.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at that, “Takes one to know one punk, but please do elaborate on why I’m such an idiot in your opinion, unless its because I put up with you in which case m’not gonna argue with you.”

Steve rolled his eyes at that, “You’ve been crushing on Darcy since that first cup of coffee she gave you, and she’s been gone on you almost as long and neither of you think you’re good enough for the other.”

Steve watched with satisfaction as that little nugget of information registered with his friend. Bucky took a couple of deep breaths before looking at Steve,

“When did you get so perceptive?”

Steve smiled and shrugged, “Probably when I woke up and realised that I should have fought harder to get back to Peggy, I messed up when I crashed that plane into the ice, I didn’t even try and find alternatives, I thought I was doing the right thing and I have to live with that choice now. I don’t want to see you do the same with Darcy.”

“What if she won’t let me explain what happened tonight?” After what Wanda had said earlier he wasn’t sure Darcy would even speak to him.

“Do you care about her?” Bucky nodded.

“Then you’ll find a way to explain what happened, Darcy is angry right now but she doesn’t hold grudges, go see her in the morning and explain, it’ll be fine Buck, I promise.”

Bucky wasn’t so sure but he murmured his agreement. They both headed inside and back to their shared apartment and Bucky was grateful that Steve remained silent and allowed him to get lost in his thoughts, dozens of scenarios and possible conversation outcomes flitting though his mind. Once he was in his room he laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, his last thought as he fell into a fitful sleep was, as always of Darcy and the way she smiled at him.

**Author's Note:**

> if you got this far thanks for reading :)


End file.
